So, you’re ready to start dating again, you Badass, you?

Writer: Lori Mendelsohn

When you’re ready to get back in the saddle, Lori Mendolsohn,  a regular OG Badass Contributor, is here to help.

Whoa there, Tonto, right rein that horse. Are you REALLY READY or are you just listening to your bar mates telling you to get on the horse again and start riding?

Or, more importantly, are you finding that you need to do a bit of work, figure out what went wrong, stop blaming your ex, cancel the pity party and learn to heal? (Guys, this is the right answer, by the way) 

I went through a divorce at the ripe old age of 61. Never in my life did I feel my marriage would end, and while I won’t go into the reasons it ended, I realized that it was not just HIS doing, but OUR doing. We both checked out, we both found different things to occupy our time and we both started walking down paths of no return. We tried therapy, counselling, separating and it just wasn’t meant to be, and frankly, I was devastated. I felt as if this man was my forever and I had to start changing my thinking. I was numb. I was angry and I was scared.

In my numbness, I realized that I FINALLY needed to come to terms with my relationship patterns in adulthood and learn new tricks to create new self-talk versus complete sabotage. I also needed to stop listening to all the outside voices in my head-the “Should’s” and “Must’s” and come up with new paradigms that worked for me-not my parents, friends, or other well-wishers. Me. This was the hard part because it meant change. And change is hard, and not impossible. And change can be amazeballs, too. (Cue “Change” by Tears for Fears)

What did I do to start healing?

1. I started identifying things I wanted to change because I had swallowed my words once too often. It was making me ill, literally and figuratively.
2. I started setting boundaries of what worked for me and what didn’t.
3. I started seeing abundance in life versus scarcity. (Remember guys-there ARE more men than women on the planet)
4. I stopped seeking approval from others to make me feel whole, and instead looked inside myself for fulfillment. This took the most effort and work.
5. Instead of saying “I’m home alone on a Friday and I’m left watching HGTV again” I turned it into “I’m home by choice and I can watch whatever I want and not have to share the remote!”
6. I realized my own worth and attractiveness and why some badass man would be thrilled to be with me, versus believing I had to settle.
7. I developed my tribe of people to support me. Now, friends have their limits too and shouldn’t be treated like a verbal dumping ground.
8. I went into therapy to help ME. It’s hard work and I sought change, not another bad, meaningless relationship.
9. I realized I will never find my ex again. I will find something different and wonderful.
10. Lastly, I changed my mindset to believe that the best years are ahead of us.

Happy Riding 😉

Lori